I hate rubrics

… except for this one (pages 2, 3, and 4), kindly referred to me by Elphaba. How does your wife score?

Let’s all play a game. I was going to update each of these for 21st century norms, but I’m lazy. If everyone who stops by contributes a row – one merit and one demerit – I bet we can do the whole thing. Then I’ll compile it all and post it. Here’s how I would update #27:

Demerit: Is less than 15 pounds underweight

Merit: Frequently links to husband’s blog to boost his Technorati ranking. (No cheap blogging references after this one, dammit)

Some of them are timeless, of course. Even I hate it when women put their stockings in the wash basin.

Now, I know what you’re saying – what a load of bullshit, clearly sexist, blah blah patriarchy blah. But Dr. Crane is a psychologist AND a physician. And did you read his methods section? He talked to 600 men and they were very frank. He even weights the questions, which I’m sure was done in a rigorous manner. I assure you that I will re-evaluate our modern one with longitudinal principal nugget analysis to ensure that the weights are updated to reflect modern values.

For the record, Elphaba would score an 18. Beat that, suckers.

UPDATE! There’s one for men, too! Thank you, God! According to Elphaba, I’m a 36. woot. Link to the whole set. It is every bit as glorious as the first, if not more so. “Reads newspaper, magazines, or books aloud to wife”? Is she illiterate? “Gives wife real movie kisses”? Sheesh. When I read shit like this, I become terrified of the way that future generations will see mine.

However, kudos to the good doctor for giving 20 points for giving your wife an orgasm.

UPDATE to the UPDATE!  Beezy loves to rain on my parade.  This has already appeared on boingboing and Sociological Images.  Damn it all.



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5 responses to “I hate rubrics

  1. 39. Mother visits too often and without notice-demerit
    Keeps self looking young (botox, plastic surgery, make up)-merit


  2. Ah, but have you seen the online quiz version?

    I got a 31. I am merely a poor 1930s housewife! Yay!

    I’ll have to think on updates.

  3. Thanks Anomie.

    I got a 13! A 13! I’m very poor (a failure!)

  4. Elphaba, apparently

    I’d like to point out that the score I originally calculated for myself was 11. Maybe I was just too harsh, because when I did the online quiz version (ditto the thanks!) I scored a 32. Seriously, though, there’s NO WAY I pass the 1930s wifey test, even with a “poor”. Seriously.

    Also, are you sure your wording is right on your #27’s demerit? Because it sounds as if you’re saying she has to be at least 15 pounds underweight. I knew you were a bastard, but damn. That’s harsh, yo.

  5. Seriously?

    Yes, I’m right on the demerit. It’s not what I think, but what a similar (equally ludicrous) test produced today might look like.

    Don’t challenge meeee!

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